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It seems like I'm going to go crazy. I'm on the verge of something. I can't distinguish it clearly but something is happenning (if I can say that contunuously?). I'm about get drunk, even get hit. Or - and I'm not sure what is worth - to get crazy. But in different way. I feel like gone down. It is like a process but the predetermined one. I do see where it goes to. To that high point where one morning I stay in the bed and can do nothing. Nothing at all. I feel my head cold and empty. I don't sleep. I'm still able to study and to work and to function but it won't take long. It just comes suddenly and inevitably. I can't give anything against it. I've already given up. I'm even somehow waiting for it.
Exactly this moment. I can't even go to bed. It's a bout, an attack, a wave. I can feel nothing except that. Writing is the only thing I can do. It holds me back, a bit, for now. I'm afraid of sleeping. I want to be freezed and I fell like my mind has been already freezed. And I can't go on living with that. I don't know what to do. I feel that cold on my hand not only in my brain.
Exactly this moment. I can't even go to bed. It's a bout, an attack, a wave. I can feel nothing except that. Writing is the only thing I can do. It holds me back, a bit, for now. I'm afraid of sleeping. I want to be freezed and I fell like my mind has been already freezed. And I can't go on living with that. I don't know what to do. I feel that cold on my hand not only in my brain.